Thou Art in Heaven
by Skillet-Writer
Summary: After Lincoln discovers the Holy Bible, his life is changed for the better. How will his family treat him when they learn of his newfound religious ways? I do not own The Loud House or any of its characters.
1. Major Discovery

Lincoln Loud was a typical eleven-year-old boy. He loved comic books, video games, and his best friend Clyde. His time was spent with himself and his family. He rarely wondered about his future. Although he didn't live a completely care free life, Lincoln never had any worries. If he were to die, he believed he would one day be reunited with his friends and family in a glorious place where no one ever got hurt. But for now, while he was still thriving, the white-haired boy could care less about what happened to him in the end. Sometimes he half expected an apocalypse to kill him. Lisa had also concluded the possibility of sun exploding, thus destroying the rest of the Milky Way.

Lincoln Loud awoke one morning to the sound of pots and pans clanging. The smell of crispy, browned, mouthwatering pieces of heated bread entered his nostrils. "Toast!" He hopped out of bed, tripping over some loose strings of fabric from his blankets. Swinging open his door, he was met with an even stronger scent. "Eggs?" He rushed downstairs, narrowly missing a run in with one of the twins' fight clouds. Dashing into the kitchen, he skidded to a halt. Someone had prepared him a plate of perfect eggs and toast. His eyes lit up, and he sat down to eat, noticing that a few of his sisters were not at the table.

"You girls are the best!" Lincoln exclaimed, mouth full of the tasty meal. "If it wasn't for you, I'd have to cook my own breakfast. I had a pretty tough time getting to sleep last night, so thanks for saving me the trouble." He smiled at the few sisters eating along side him.

Luna smiled, and picked a few crumbs from her teeth with her fingernail. "No problem, little bruh. But if it wasn't for our parents buying the grub, we wouldn't have it. Thank them." Taking a bite of her egg, she paused her chewing and opened her mouth to speak. "Then again, I think the ol' farmers deserve the most praise. They work pretty dang hard to grow the food, dude."

Luan nodded her head. "True. They have to do some serious work. That's how they earn their green thumbs!" She smiled, about to crack a joke. "I guess you could say I'm 'green with envy'." She shrugged as a series of groans followed. Picking at a piece of buttered toast on her plate, she added, "And I guess I better get 'bready' for school. If I'm late, I'll have a 'crumby' day. I need to ace my 'toast'. Even though I 'loaf' rushing, it must be 'bun'. I 'crust' that you'll get 'bready' as well. 'Sesame seed' you later!" And with that, she put her plate in the sink and headed for the stairs.

Lincoln finished up his breakfast shortly afterward. "Gosh, I'm stuffed! That was great. Ugh. I hope I can catch the bathroom line while it's still reasonable." He got up, crumby plate in hands. After setting it atop the mountain of messy dishes, Lincoln zoomed up the stairs anxiously. Miraculously, he was first in line. Opening the bathroom door, he ran inside. After closing it behind him, he lifted the toilet lid and relieved himself. The boy emitted a deep sigh, flushed the toilet, and proceeded to pull his pants up. Following a quick rinse of his hands, he left the bathroom and headed to his bedroom.

Lincoln opened one of his drawers. He stripped down to his undies, and decided to switch them out with a fresh pair. He took a whiff of the detergent scent that had saturated the fabric. After another quick strip, the tween casually pulled on the clean underwear. Then he pulled an orange polo off of a rack. Finally, he dug around his drawers again until he found a pair of jeans with minimal holes. "Now I just gotta find that library pass. Where did I put it?"

The white-haired boy cursed under his breath. Where could the library pass be? He looked under his pillow. He searched the floor. He checked under his bed, bumping his head in the process. While reaching under the bed frame, he felt a hard object. It felt almost like a book between his fingers. Lucy's poetry? No. It's pages were more numerous than a poetry book, and felt softer. Perhaps it was an old book he used to read? Lincoln slowly pulled the book out from under the bed. It was thick and black. The pages were in the thousands. The hardback was small enough to hold. In big, gold letters it read: "Holy Bible: New International Version."

The eleven-year-old scratched his head curiously. "What's a 'Bible'?" he wondered aloud. He would have begun to read it if it wasn't for the yelling of his mother telling him that the bus would be there soon. Tucking the book under his arm, he hurriedly made his way downstairs. Rita handed him his backpack and he rushed outside and to the bus. Once inside the yellow vehicle, he hid the newfound book in the depths of his backpack. His best friend Clyde was sitting in the last row, a spot beside him saved.

"Hey, Lincoln!" the dark-skinned boy greeted. He removed his belongings from the seat to the left of him to make room for his friend. "Any particular reason you almost got left behind? Ms. Burns was only gonna give you another ten seconds or so."

"Why was I late? Hm?" Lincoln thought as he sat down. The discovery of the "Holy Bible" was intriguing to him, and it clouded his thoughts. "Well, I didn't sleep well. I also ate a big breakfast, I suppose. You can thank my sisters... erm, parents for that. No, wait! Thank the farmers instead." Lincoln chuckled when Clyde gave a confused stare. "Also, I was missing my library pass..." Sudden realization struck him. "Crud! I never got to find my library pass. Can I borrow yours, Buddy?"

The black-haired boy nodded. "Sure thing, Lincoln. That's what friends are for. I'm sure my dads won't mind having a few extra dollars charged on my card." Gently, he put his arm around his tired friend.

"Thanks. Also, another reason I was late was because... um. Well, don't tell anyone, because I'm not sure what it is yet. I can trust you, right?"

"Always. Clincoln McCloud, remember?"

"Forever. So..." Lincoln reaches into his backpack to pull out the book he had found under his bed. "Look at this book. It's called 'Holy Bible'. Do you know what it is?" He tried to study Clyde's face. The dark-skinned boy looked almost petrified. "Clyde, Buddy, what's wrong?"

"Lincoln, you have to get rid of it!" he cried in a whisper, voice shaky. "My dad's said it corrupts your mind. That Bible thing says we all deserve to go to h-e-l-l. Don't read it! I don't want you to live your life in fear." Clyde was so shaken, he was considering calling Dr. Lopez. Lincoln grabbed his hand.

"Clyde, what are you talking about? I just found this dusty, old book under my bed. You really think I'm gonna go to some fiery place just because I decide to read it? What is this thing, one of Lucy's spell books?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Get a hold of yourself. We've read plenty of books with no problem. Lucy, Lisa, they never have any problems with books. Neither do my other sisters."

"I suppose you're right, Linc. Just.. be careful! You're really smart, and I don't want your mind to turn to mush."

"It won't," Lincoln concluded. Suddenly, he felt the bus pull to a stop. "And I guess we're here. After lunch, the bus driver is taking us to the library, right?" He picked up his backpack and began to make his way out of the vehicle.

"Yep. After lunch. And be careful about reading that Bible thing during school. You know they confiscate anything distracting. I still haven't gotten that pack of gum back yet." Clyde hopped out of the bus with his friend and headed towards the school entrance. "Math test today?"

Lincoln opened the front door, children rushing in from all sides. "Guess so. Sooner I get that out of the way, the sooner I can start my Ace Savvy marathon!" He headed towards the hallway. "Then again, I do wanna check out that Bible this weekend. Eh, maybe I'll read it during recess."


	2. Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

Lincoln removed the Bible from his backpack and secretly tucked it under his arm. He placed his lumpy backpack in his locker, which was decked out in superhero decor. As soon as Clyde had finished tucking his own bundle away behind the cold, metal door of a repository, the two friends linked arms and headed for the classroom.

They were met by the gentle face of Mrs. Agnes Johnson, their teacher. She seated them kindly and immediately returned to her desk. Holding out a stack of papers, she announced, "Class, as you know we have a math test today. I'm going to have you start working on it immediately after the 'Pledge of Allegiance'. If we start off while your minds are still alert, you'll be more likely to ace the test. Now, everyone stand up and face the flag."

Lincoln tucked the Bible in his desk and stood up proudly. His army figurines and play sets had opened up a whole new world of history for him. He found great joy in watching documentaries of old wars, and didn't mind the graphic detail. Whenever it came to honoring his country, he was very enthusiastic. He looked to his right and watched as Clyde put his hand over his chest. Lincoln copied his gesture and began to recite the words of the pledge:

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

For Lincoln, it was not a monotonous pledge. For others, it was exactly that. But through all the mumbling, the white-haired boy could've sworn students got tongue tied around the phrase "one Nation under God". Some pupils had recited the pledge to its fullest, while the rest had awkwardly skipped the controversial lines. What got people so worked up about it, the young boy could only ponder. For now, that didn't matter. He had a math test to complete.

"You may be seated," Mrs. Johnson finally said. "Here are your math sheets." Gingerly, she came around to the students' desks, placing a test on each. "You have half an hour to complete the test. Let today's early recess be your motivation!" Her enthusiasm didn't make the dull class any brighter. She sighed, and made her way back to her desk at the front of the room.

Lincoln wasn't of average intelligence, unlike most of his friends. In fact, he didn't even require much tutoring from Lisa. He sped through tests quickly, and somehow always managed to score above an eighty. By the time the boy finished his test, he was anxiously tapping his foot on the floor, just waiting for the recess bell to ring.

 _Ring!_

"Finally!" Lincoln exclaimed a little more obnoxious than he'd liked to. He tucked the Bible under his arm and awkwardly hurried into crowded hallway. Clyde walked beside him.

"Hey, Buddy. How was the test?" the bespectacled boy asked, following the line of children eager to play outdoors.

"Eh, could've gone smoother. I knew about every answer, though. You?"

"Same. Though I did stumble on problem 11. I mean, what the heck was that? _Calculus_?!"

"I know right?" Lincoln chuckled. He followed his peers until he felt the brisk, autumn air on his skin. "Ah, this weather in perfect..."

The boys linked arms and gradually made their way over to an empty, wooden bench. They sat down, somewhat nervous. Clyde flinched as he watched Lincoln pull the Bible from under his arm and place it on the oak surface. No one made a sound.

"So," Clyde broke the silence, "who's gonna open it?"

The white-haired boy was dreading that question. Frankly, he thought he would open it himself, but Clyde seemed to suggest that either one could carry out the act.

"Well, Clyde," Lincoln stuttered nervously, "I'd say that I'd do it but... what if there's a blood-sucking spider in there?!" He kept his distance from the book.

"Or a curse!"

"Or-" Just then a violent breeze whipped through the air, flipping the Bible's thick cover open with a slap. It spooked the boys, whose eyes were shut tight, fearing what might be printed on the pages of the dreaded, black book.

Clyde held his hands over his eyes, shielding them from the unknown. "Lincoln, should we take a peek?" He was visibly shaking.

The platinum blonde shrugged. "I suppose. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? It's just your local library book, am I right?"

"No."

Lincoln couldn't take it anymore. It was now or never. Recess doesn't last forever, you know. Slowly he lowered his hands and cracked his eyes ever so slightly.

 _Laughter ensued._

Clyde, confused, opened his eyes to stare at Lincoln who was laughing hysterically, so much so that the Caucasian boy's face was flushing a light shade of pink. "Oh no! Lincoln was cursed with never-ending laughter!" He slammed the Bible shut. "Don't worry, I'll save you Buddy."

 _The laughter ceased._

"Clyde, I swear to God I'm fine." He looked at his best friend seriously. "I was only laughing because of how stupid we were to think that this book could be evil. For Pete's sake, read the first sentence. Look..." He opened the book and pointed to a page labeled _Genesis_.

The dark-skinned boy cleared his throat and took a deep breath. Nervously he read, "'In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth'." He tapped his chin puzzled. "What?"

"It's about a silly god! It's just a fairytale," Lincoln chuckled. "I can't believe we got so worked up about a make-believe story." He wiped some sweat from his brow.

Clyde wiped a few joyful tears from his eyes as he laughed. "So it's kinda like Greek Mythology. Like Zues and Poseidon?"

"Exactly, exactly."

"Well, what does it say next?" Clyde asked curiously, wiping his forehead with his striped shirt sleeve.

"'Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters'." Lincoln scratched his head. "I'm still trying to figure out which god this book is talking about."

"Maybe it's not a Greek god. Maybe it's a god like Buddha or... or Gandhi!"

"Clyde, Gandhi was a man. Well, what about that one guy who died and came back to life?"

"Ozzy Osbourne?"

"No!" Lincoln shook his head in frustration. "The god. The god who died on a tree or something."

"Jesus Christ!"

The white-haired boy gasped, confused eyes scanning his friend. "I didn't expect you to have an outburst like that, Clyde. I know you don't like this Bible thing and all but-"

"No, Lincoln. I mean _Jesus Christ_. The supposed son of a god. I read about him in a book at Dr. Lopez' office."

"Jesus Christ, you say?" Lincoln rubbed at his neck as he watched his classmates play on the playground. "I might just know exactly who to talk to."


	3. HIATUS ALERT

**ATTENTION: IMPORTANT UPDATE!**

For personal reasons, I'm taking a break from writing Loud House fanfictions.

As of June 2018 I have no longer been watching the Loud House, due to that long hiatus they had back then. It sort of killed the mood for me.

I would also like to state that no, I am not a homophobe. While I am a Christian, I will not be grouped into a homophobic category. I don't discriminate based on sexual preference. I, myself, am just discovering my sexuality.

As for the other reviews, I tried, okay? I tried to make a Christian-based Loud House fanfiction, and partially succeeded. The thing is, on the second chapter I got crippling writer's block, and I knew many of my readers were eagerly awaiting a second chapter. So I might not have thought every detail through.

Look people, there's nothing wrong with constructive criticism. I'm wholly accepting of it. But sometimes you need to stop and think before you write that review. Because heed this, if you aren't a good and/or aspiring writer, you don't need to be giving constructive criticism. I acknowledge that you have every right to throw flames at me or talk down on this fic! ...But accusing me of building up to a homophobic agenda. —I am not the characters I'm writing for! And this story is not what you think it is... or rather, was going to be.

I noticed this fic gets 50+ views every month since it was published. And I ashamed I have not updated, but I have zero motivation. As of August 23rd, 2018 I am currently in a moderate SpongeBob mood. Go check out my many SpongeBob fanfictions and be sure (if you're into more mature fanfics) to read my "SpongeBob SquarePants FunShots".

And my apologies to the positive reviewers, whom I seem to have cast aside. Well, I haven't. To all the positive reviews, you were motivational, as any positive review should have that kind of impact. And it is not because of the hateful reviews that this fanfic is going on an indefinite hiatus like the rest of my Loud House works. As I stated previously, it is because of my lost interest in the Loud House as of now.

Today I have disappointed many loyal readers. And I am displaying remorse for that. By now, the same idea for a Christian-based fanfiction is probably up and active and in control of some other writer. There's nothing I can do to give you more chapters. I am, simply put, unmotivated.

There isn't much left to say, other than thankyou for the continued support. Many thanks, precious readers, and may God bless you like He has me.


	4. To the Haters

**What more do I have to say, people?**

I said I **do not** discriminate, disagree or persecute/opress homosexuals or members of the LGBTQ+ community.

I **will not** be grouped into a homophobic category.

I believe in **equal treatment**.

I do not see Clyde McBride's parents as bad parents, rather **good parents** trying to raise their child right.

I acknowledge my fic was **not well thought out**.

I am a Christian, and I **will not push my beliefs on you** , but I will express them.

I am **no longer motivated** to continue writing for "Thou Art in Heaven".

I am, as of August 2018, currently writing for the **"SpongeBob SquarePants"** fandom.

I **do not agree** with these hateful/homophobic comments, for **they are cruel**.

 **Do I make myself clear? You may hate on my fic, but you will not accuse me of hating on LGBTQ+, and I am politely asking you to stop hating on LGBTQ+ as well.**

 **A big thanks to "MasterCaster" and others for supporting me through and through. I don't mean to sound whiny, but I will no longer be working on this fanfiction. Good day!**


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